'IF WE CAN'T BEAT 'EM..."
There May Be ANOTHER Way To Oppose National Bible Week, Says Atheist Spokesmen
There seems little chance of stopping most of the state and local proclamations to commemorate "National Bible Week," which officially begins on Sunday, November 23. Since 1940, religious groups -- originally under the direction of a group calling itself the National Committee for Religious Recovery -- have pressured government officials to voice their support for a week of Bible perusing and reflection. Hundreds of mayors, and over two dozen governors participated in the event last year.
Last week, American Atheists called upon its members, along with other First Amendment activists, to protest this "establishment' of religious belief. But AA National Media Coordinator Ron Barrier now suggests an alternative approach.
Join In, says Mr. Barrier. So, AA released the following press advisory on Wednesday evening...
American Atheists today has announced that its members and state directors will participate in this year's "National Bible Week" activities with public readings from the bible.
American Atheists President Ellen Johnson said that "American Atheists has always encouraged the public to read both the Old and New Testaments from cover to cover. Many people become atheists after reading the bible."
American Atheists National Spokesperson Ron Barrier added, We welcome the opportunity that the religious community is giving us to share our perspective of the uncensored bvible with the public. It has had a significant effect on my life."
The organizations, however, admonished public officials to refrain from endorsing any religious schemes like "National Bible Week," lest they violate the constitutionally mandated separation of politicians and pulpit.
AA National Outreach Director Neal Cary is encouraging atheists and nonbelievers everywhere to spread "the good news about the good book." Working with Frank Zindler, editor of American Atheist Magazine, they have put together a list of inspirational quotes which can be referred to -- or even quoted directly -- in letters to public officials, school officials, and the news media. Mr. Zindler cautions, though, "It is important to use the Unexpurgated King James Versions, not the New King James, which has had all the 'pisses' drained out of it. Other modern versions too have been cleaned up. Not all Gideon bibles stolen from motel rooms are the real McCoy. Before reading from a bible, check 1 Kings 14:10 to make sure the urea solution is still there full-strength"
"Have fun!," adds Mr. Zindler.
Here's a list of recommended, inspiration readings for National Bible Week. Again, thanks to Mr. Neal Cary and Mr. Frank Zindler for compiling this unwholesome list.
17:9-14 Circumcision mandated
19:1-8 Rape virgins instead of male angels
19:30-38 Righteous man impregnates his 2 daughters while drunk
24:2-3, 9 Place your hand "under the thigh" (sexual organs) of someone swearing sacred oaths
25:1-6 Keeping mistresses is not adultery
32:25 God grabs Jacob's testicles
34:1-31 Brothers are riled when sister is defiled
35:2 Reuben sleeps with father's concubine
38:1-10 Onan's method of birth control not approved
38:12-30 Tamar plays the harlot to seduce father-in-law
39:1-20 Women tries to rape man
47:29 Joseph ordered to place his hand under father's thigh
20:26 God specifies building of altar to prevent exposure of nakedness
22:19 Death decreed for bestiality
33:17-23 God moons Moses
31:1-18; 28-47 God commands genocide of Midianites, Moses orders that virgins be kept, other captives slain
5:11-31 God's fidelity test for women only
12:1-8 Bible calls childbirth a sin and bearing females a greater sin than bearing males
15:16-18 Sperm and intercourse are unclean
15:19-33 Menstruation unclean; elaborate rules
15:29-30 Women must make sin offering for menstrual periods
18:22 Homosexuality declared an abomination
18:23 More bestiality
19:1,20-22 Man gets forgiven, slave girl gets flogging
20:10 Adulterers shall be put to death
20:13 Death decreed for homosexuals
20:15-16 Death decreed for bestiality (& beast)
26:29 Curse: Eat your sons and daughters
3:1-7 Kill men, women, & children
21:10-14 God okays captured maidens as trial wives
22:5 Men's clothing not to be worn by women, & vice versa
22:13-21 A bride not a virgin must die
22:23-26 Virgin raped in city given no pity
23:12-14 Defecation: Carry paddle, dig hole, & cover up
25:5-10 Woman has cause to spit in man's face
25:11-12 A woman shall have her hand cut off for touching a penis
22:28-29 Paying father to have sex with daughter
23:1 Man "wounded in the stones" can't enter congregation
23:2 Children born out of wedlock condemned as bastards to 10th generation
23:10-11 Cleanliness called for in nocturnal emissions
24:1 Man can divorce wife through eviction
28:27 Hemorrhoids ("emerods") punishment for sin
28:30 Lord's curse: Another man shall lie with groom's bride first
28:53-57 Curse: Eat your own body & children
3:20-22 Dagger in fat king's gut gets "dirt" out
4:4-22 Hammer & nail murder by woman
8:30 Gideon had many wives, concubines
11:29-40 Jephtha's daughter: human sacrifice
19:1-30 Woman raped and ruined by homosexuals
21:6-25 Amidst carnage virgins captured for wives
3:6-9 To "hook" him as husband, Ruth sleeps with Boaz
4:9-10 Boaz buys Ruth
5:9-12 Philistines "smitten with emerods" as punishment for stealing ark
6:1-5 To placate God, make golden emerods
15:3 God orders Saul to kill suckling babes
18:23-27 200 foreskins gain David a king's daughter
25:22,34 Any that pisseth against the wall
3:7 More concubine hanky-panky
11:1-27 Uriah sent to lose his life so David can get his wife
12:7-12 Obscene performance to be viewed by all Israel
5:13 David had many wives, concubines
Chapter 13 Amnon rapes his sister
16:20-23 Absalom copulates with father's concubines on rooftop
20:3 David imprisons concubines for above
1:1-4 Virgin as therapy for sick old man unsuccessful
11:1-10 Wise Solomon has wives and concubines galore
14:10 Him that pisseth against the wall
16:11 One that pisseth against a wall
21:21 Him that pisseth against the wall
6:24-33 "So we boiled my son, and did eat him"
9:8 Subject not mentioned in sermons
23:7 Male houses of prostitution destroyed
1:32-33 Abraham's concubines have children
11:21 King Rehoboam had 18 wives & 60 concubines
Chapters 1-2 Sexual contest to decide new queen
SONG OF SOLOMON (the whole thing!)
3:16 "...and the Lord will discover their secret parts"
9:20 Every man shall eat the flesh of his own arm
14:21-22 Slaughter children for fathers' iniquity
16:11 Biblical boast: "My bowels shall sound like an harp"
36:12 Eating dung and drinking piss
16:4 Grievous, obscene deaths
2:19 Something to lament
4:10 Women boil children for food
4:12-15 God says: Eat bread defiled with dung
5:8-10 What's for dinner?
8:2 Lord's loins make guest appearance
16:15 Fornications pour out
16:36-37 Their "filthiness poured out..."
23:1-40 Sex organs and ejaculate of harlots' lovers compared to asses & horses
29:7-8 God performs bloody castration via a sword
1:2-11 God tells Hosea to take whore to wife
2:1-15 Complications ensue (lewdly described)
3:4-6 Lord: "I will discover thy skirts upon thy face"
2:1-4 An angry god will spread feces on your faces
5:27-30 A man may lust but it's not considered just
5:31-32 Man can divorce wife for fornication only
19:3-9 Man who divorces and remarries is adulterer
19:12 Castrate yourself for Jesus
22:24 Law of Onan (you have to marry your dead brother's wife)
2:21 Eight day old Jesus is circumcised
5:38 Eunuch baptized
15:24 Circumcision is not commandment
16:3 Paul circumcises adult
1:26-32 Gay men and lesbians "worthy of death"
6:18-20 Abstain from sex
7:1-40 To be more holy, refrain from sex wholly
7:18-19 If you're not circumcised, stay that way
5:1-4 Paul speaks against circumcision
17:1-6 A whore is stripped, eaten and burned
"Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division: For from henceforth there shall be five in one house divided, three against two, and two against three."
"If any man come unto me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple."
"But those mine enemies which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither, and slay them before me."
"Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I come not to send peace, but a sword."
"For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. And a man's foes shall be they of his own household."
"For God commanded, saying, Honor thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death."
22:18 Reason for murder of many innocent women
"Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live."
24:16 Death for pronouncing name of Yahweh (the "Lord")
13:1-6 Obey the leader, (even if it's Hitler!) [an error occurred while processing this directive]